Annorr said, "Before we begin, I would like to inform you all that I've changed my name to Amisa, pronounced am-ee-sa. I'll still respond to Annorr, but I would prefer if you all called me Amisa."
I asked, "What was wrong with Annorr?"
Amisa said, "I just did not like the sound of it. I thought that it made me sound a bit belligerent."
Will said, “David, there is something bothering you. Are you still upset at Hix’s departure?”
I said, “Yes, what Hix wrote in her letter makes sense. It’s just that I don’t seem to be able to accept it.”
The rest of the gang chimed in with various catch phrases - “She’s put the cat among the pigeons.” “She’s opened a can of worms.” “She’s upset the apple cart.” "She’s opened Pandora's box."
Will said, “OK lads, we get the message.”
I said, “She combines her Catholic Catechism Lesson Six with her quote from the bible to make everything sound so simple and easy.”
Will said, “She accepted that it made it all simple, but I don’t think she was expecting it to be easy. In fact, she left here believing that undoing her belief system was going to be a long and arduous task.”
Darukin said, “David, a word of caution, Hix uses what we call mad-house logic. It’s a gross over-simplification technique that ignores what most people call ‘common sense’. It usually drives ‘ordinary’ people crazy because it ignores all the ingrained rules and regulations that are accepted as normal. Mind you, common sense is a highly overestimated gauge of what is true or false."
Will said, "It is used to hold the status quo and to tell us "that can't be done", or "that won't work." And what is common sense to you is not necessarily common sense to me.”
Charlie asked, “But is it really what Hix said that’s bothering you David?”
I wasn't sure that I wanted to get into the real reason, but since I’d learned to trust these people I decided to be more open with them. I said,
“Hix is only part of the problem. When I gave up my career and started down this awakening path I had expectations of becoming a powerful creator who was completely free. At first I was getting lots of interesting experiences and I have shared most of them with you. Recently these have dried up and now I find myself thinking about the past and questioning the decisions I have made. I’m wondering was my previous existence a complete waste of time. I’m even speculating about going back.”
Charlie said, “Going back to what, your wonderful career as a world-famous journalist. There’s no need to be shocked, David, we all know your little secret. Don't worry, though, we won’t tell anyone and even if we did, who’d believe a bunch of crazies like ourselves. There’s no going back. You can’t go home, they all think you are dead.”
Amisa said, “Of course he can go Home.”
Charlie said, “You made a great decision to leave it all behind you, David. You do not really want to undo that decision, but you still need to undo your attachment to your previous life. You’re holding onto an awful lot of stuff that you need to let go. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico believed that the only way to do this was through ‘recapitulation’, a method of recovering energy from stagnant thoughts, complexes, situations and relationships"
I asked, “Is this like examining one’s conscience?”
Charlie said, “Yes, recapitulation is like examining one’s conscience in so far as we keep looking at the past, but its purpose is totally different. Recapitulation consists of a systematic scrutiny of one’s life, segment by segment. This examination is made, not in the light of criticism or finding fault, but in an effort to understand one’s life, and to change its course. Once we have viewed our lives in the detached manner that the recapitulation requires, there’s no way of going back to the same life.”
I asked, “Would this be necessary if we lived totally in the present?”
Charlie said, “The whole idea is to get us to live totally in the present, but for the most part we are carrying an awful lot of baggage. The world of everyday life is not real, or out there, as we believe it is. It is only a description. This description has been pounded into us since the moment of our birth.
"Everyone who comes into contact with a child is a teacher who incessantly describes the world, until the moment the child is capable of perceiving the world as it is described. We have no memory of this moment, simply because none of us would possibly have had any point of reference to compare it to anything else. From that moment on, however, we are caught. We know the description of the world, and we are capable of making all the proper perceptual interpretations, which, by confirming to that description, validate it.”
Will said, “We’re ploughing old ground here, we've covered this before. In child psychology, the period from one month to ten months is when most of this programming is done, when we form a ‘dual unity’ with our mothers. When the actual moment of perceiving the description occurs is uncertain. There is more certainty about when we lock into it. Some schools of thought say that it has happened by the time we are three, others say five, and still others say seven."
Charlie said, “Whatever! The reality of our day-to-day life consists of an endless flow of perceptual interpretations. This reality is shared. These perceptions are rarely, if ever, open to question. And that there may be other interpretations could not be taken seriously. We have to learn a new description in a total sense, for the purpose of pitting it against the old one, and in that way break the dogmatic certainty, which we all share.”
I said, “I’m getting the sense that to achieve this we have to engage in struggle, strife, battle, or even all out war”
Charlie said, “The Shamans of Ancient Mexico believed that things are black or white, good or evil, right or wrong. And the only way to convert from black to white, evil to good, or wrong to right is through removing the black-evil-wrong by severe, cruel methods that, most of time, include killing it."
Amisa said, “And kill the host as well. It does not have to be that way. To ‘relinquish’ our description all we have to do is let go of the past.”
Darukin said, “We all carry much emotional memory and we need to metabolise it. We need to let the past go through the process of being sorted, of keeping what we regard as useful and dumping what is not.”
Will said, “Whatever we call it, recapitulation, relinquishing, or metabolising, the undoing of our present state of mind is a process that takes time and effort. How much time and effort it takes depends on many factors.”
Charlie said, "We have to adopt the mood of a warrior – become an impeccable hunter that hunts power. If we succeed in our hunting we can be called 'a man of knowledge'. The hardest thing in the world is to assume the mood of a warrior, It is of no use to be sad and complain and feel justified in doing so, believing that someone is always doing something to us. Nobody is doing anything to anybody, much less to a warrior.
Will said, "You cannot hunt something you already have. But, before you attack me again, you can hunt what is keeping you out of your natural power."
Charlie said, "Self-pity doesn't jibe with power. The mood of a warrior calls for control over himself and at the same time it calls for abandoning himself. A warrior calculates everything. That’s control. But once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That’s abandon. For a warrior there is nothing offensive about the acts of his fellow men.
"We need the mood of a warrior to cut through all the guff. As warriors, we proceed strategically for we know that the worst thing we can do is to confront human beings bluntly..."
I said, "I guess I have been going about this the wrong way. My tendency has been to be blunt and direct, and not to beat around the bush.
Will said, "No, you have been accused of being blunt, but for the most part you have been gentle, maybe a bit direct in trying to get your message across.
Darukin said, "David, being blunt and direct implies that you know what's best for someone else. It also means that you have judged the other person or their behaviour. And in some cases, you'll be accused of interfering."
Charlie continued, "Fright never injures anyone. What injures the spirit is having someone always on our backs, beating us, telling us what to do and what not to do."
Will said, "Unfortunately, this someone is not always external to us, we have internalised it as the 'superego' or as our conscience."
Clivid had been sitting through all of this without any comment. Now I could see that he was getting very agitated. He stood up and puffed out his chest like he was getting ready to preach.
Clivid said, "We examine our conscience on a daily basis to prepare us for the particular judgment. This judgment happens to all of us immediately after we die..."
Will interrupted, "Here comes the Big Book sermon!"
Clivid continued, "You will stand in front of the Throne of God and God will judge you from what has been written in the book of your lives. Everything is in the book. Everything you have thought, said or done is in there. Everything that you should have thought, said or done is in there. Everything that you omitted to think, say or do is in there.
"And listening to all the blasphemy, sacrilege and heresy that you have been mouthing, you will all rot in the fires of hell forever..."
Amisa interrupted, "Clivid, Clivid, God has only one judgment of us all."
Clivid asked in a very sarcastic tone, "Pray tell, witch, what is that?"
Amisa said, "You are my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased."
Clivid plonked down on his chair and threw his eyes up to heaven in desperation.
Charlie said, "The warrior’s way is to worry and think before we make any decision, but once we make it, be on our way, free from worry or thoughts. There will be a million other decisions still awaiting us. War does not mean acts of individual or collective stupidity or wanton violence. It means the total struggle against that part of ourselves that deprives us of our power."
Amisa said, "I don't like the word warrior. It means a brave or experienced soldier or fighter. I get the sense of how you use it, Charlie, but I wish we could use some other expression."
Charlie said, "Inside all of us there is a gigantic, dark lake of silent knowledge which we can access. It is extremely old, at ease, indifferent, heavy, dark, and connected to everything else. It does not care because it is equal to everything. It enjoys things with no expectation."
Amisa said, "Sorry for interrupting you again. It is seen as dark only from the ego's perspective. In fact, it is only light."
Charlie said, "That's alright. The separate part, ego or foreign installation, is light, new, fluffy, agitated, nervous, and fast. It cares about itself because it is insecure and does not enjoy anything, simply because it lacks the capacity to connect itself to anything. It is alone, on the surface, and vulnerable.
"Ego finds itself so hopelessly removed from the source of everything that all it can do is express its despair in violent and cynical acts of self-destruction. Our lack of connection to our silent source makes us feel that we have no hope of peace, of satisfaction, or of attainment."
I asked, "Is this dark lake you describe our subconscious?"
Clivid said, "God is everywhere!"
Amisa said, "Clivid, that's true, but don't you start repeating that."
Charlie said, "Yes Clivid, it could be equated with God. Using the term God, however, usually gets us mired in the quagmire of religion. We sometimes refer to it as 'the Nagual', a simpler term might be 'Universal Mind' or mind that is everywhere.
Will asked, “David, is this conversation helping you discover what’s really bothering you?”
I said, “To some extent. It has helped me clarify what my real problem is. As I see it, my great experiences are my interpretations of me dipping into the universal mind and my day to day issues are my ego refusing to let go."
Charlie said, "You got it!"
I said, "More specifically, every night before I go to bed I do a meditation on a mantra...”
Clivid interrupted, “What’s a mantra?”
Darukin answered, “It’s like a prayer or an affirmation, it’s something you keep repeating to yourself over and over to calm your mind. As you repeat it you try to say it quieter and quieter. It’s like turning down the volume control on a radio.”
I continued, “When I’m finished I’m usually very calm and relaxed. Then when I get into bed I keep repeating it as I watch the screen and fall asleep. When I wake up in the morning I feel very dense and no matter how hard I try to remember the mantra, I can’t. It’s like Will says, there seems to be a completely different personality in charge.”
Amisa said, “That’s funny, when I was doing A Course in Miracles, I had a similar experience with one of the lessons. The lesson I had to remember was “I will not value what is valueless”. Before I left for work I could remember it no bother. As I drove away from the house I could not remember it and no matter what I did during the day I still could not remember it. As I drove back into the house that evening it popped back into my head.”
Will said, "David, can you give us an example."
I said, "I'd prefer not to get into the details of these waking experiences, but I'll give you one example. Recently, I woke up and got out of bed without turning on the lights. My room looked different. I went to the door and could not find the handle to open it. I was probing with my hands all around where the door should be. Then I realised that it was a bare wall I was up against and that the door was off to my left in the adjacent wall."
Will said, "Maybe you were reliving a past life memory."
Darukin said, "If we accept Charlie's idea of a universal mind that contains everything, everywhere for all time, then past lives do not make any sense."
Will said, "Ok, David's experience was taken from this universal mind rather than his own personal memories."
Amisa said, "We've talked a lot about ego and it's personalities. Let's try and put it in a broader perspective. Charlie's 'Man of Knowledge' has access to the universal mind. I define this access as spirit. Ego is the part of us that believes that it is separated and has no access to spirit. Ego is both the prison that we lock ourselves into and the prison officer that does not allow us to escape. Mind is the decision maker that chooses between staying in ego's hell or reaching for spirit. This choice allows us to become 'knower' as opposed to being a figment of an illusion's imagination."
I asked, "Are you telling me that all my experiences are just a figment of my imagination?"
Amisa answered, "No! Your experiences are real enough, they come from either spirit or ego. They are open to interpretation by the ego. And, basically, all we have been talking about is your interpretation of your experiences, not the experiences themselves."
Clivid asked, "And where does the body fit into all of this?"
Amisa answered, "The body is a wholly neutral thing - to be gently laid aside when its usefulness is done."
Clivid said, "You're all delusional dreamers!"
Amisa said, "Ego learns, dreams are ego temper tantrums, so we can learn from dreams."
Will said, "We are running out of time, again."
I said, "Before you go, I'd like to say thank you. My views on all of this are becoming much clearer. Thank you!"