23 June 2011

Peace of Mind Healing 1. World View

I've always liked riddles and in my teens was introduced to the Zen variety when an older brother asked me to figure out, "What is the difference between a duck?". The latest one I've come across is "The last one out opens the door!" They don't make sense at first look, and they are not supposed to. They are geared at making us think. You can try and figure the first one out for yourself. I'll give you my understanding of the second one.

We are all in this together. We all believe that we are separate from each other. As long as anyone continues to believe in separation then we are all kept separate. Even though I believe that we are all one, and you may believe that we are all one, we still have to wait for the last person to give up their belief in separation. So, the last one out of separation opens the door to all of us becoming one again.

There are many ways of looking at the world. We can see it as a hell on earth. We can see it as a large biosphere floating through space. We can see it as totally neutral. We can even look at it as a school. Singer songwriter Paul Brady may have got it right when he sang, "The world is what you make it, baby."

The idea that the world is a school leads to the common belief that we will always be learning. That we are here to learn our lessons, and if we don't learn them all in this life, then we will come back again and again until we do. This is not necessarily true. If we could live our lives in complete peace and happiness, then our learning would be over and we'd have no need of school anymore.

We are all making decisions all the time. Some of us are aware of this and are conscious decision makers, others go along with the flow and allow others to make our decisions for us. But, allowing someone else to make them for us is also a decision.

When we believe everything that the Media tells us we are allowing them to determine the way we look at the world. We are handing over our power to decide for ourselves to them, even though they may not have our best interests at heart. The view of the world that is portrayed is very bleak and that of the future is even bleaker.

Whatever the future may hold there is one thing for certain, the way we look at the world will end whenever we decide to change our thinking about what it is and, most importantly, what we are. For most of my life I believed that I was a body, limited to its range of perception. I now know that we have an infinite range of perception and the only thing limiting me is my thinking.

When we were in school the teacher always asked the questions and was always looking for the right answer. This makes us believe that there is only one right answer to any question, and once we get the answer we stop looking for any other. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately) for me, I did not go along with this and began to look for answers other than the orthodox ones.

This has led me on a merry dance of research and exploration for the past fifty years. In retrospect it has all been to do with our minds, how they work and how we get deluded about ourselves. In 1996, I started working with "A Course in Miracles" (ACIM) and it has been the biggest influence in my life, mainly because it gave me a thought system that made sense of all the others. I have been studying it for the last fifteen years and am currently on my second go round of the lessons. The reason it has taken me so long is that I am loyal and stubborn and had great difficulty letting some of my crazy belief's go.

We are all teachers. We teach what we have learned. We are always sending messages to those around us. At a body based level these messages take the form of words and gestures. Our body language tells people what we are thinking much more reliably than what we are saying, and most of the time we are not aware of, or in control of it.

We are all searching for something. We seek new things. We become attached to our possessions. Take a look around at all the things you have got. This is your investment. We are very reluctant to give it up. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to leave them all behind. We have a much bigger investment in our thought system. This we have been investing in since we were one month old. And this one is nearly impossible to let go. But ask yourself what is the return on your investment?

Back in the 60's McGregor and others proposed a management theory called Theory X Theory Y that proposed two different views of people at work. This was based on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

In Theory X, people are assumed to be inherently lazy, dislike work and will avoid it if they can. As a result of this, we have to be closely supervised and comprehensive systems of controls developed. A hierarchical structure is needed with narrow span of control at each and every level.

In Theory Y, people are assumed to be ambitious, self-motivated and exercise self-control. We enjoy our mental and physical work duties and regard work as natural as play. We possess the ability for creative problem solving, we seek out and accept responsibility and exercise self-control and self-direction in achieving goals to which we are committed.

During training, managers were asked which theory they would like applied to them, most went with Theory Y. When asked which theory they applied in their work-place, most went with Theory X. I fully embraced Theory Y and used it in all my management roles. The thing that amazed me most was how difficult it was to convince the people working for me to adapt Theory Y. It was like Theory X was ingrained in them.

At the time I was working in a very specialised area and was very insular in my views. I though that a management theory applied only at work. As the years rolled on, I began to take a more generalised view and realised that Theory X Theory Y applied to the world. But nobody used these terms and anytime I brought them up in casual conversation, people looked at me as if I had two heads. So now instead of talking Theory X I say "fear" and instead of Theory Y I say "Love". (I've capitalised Love, which is general, to differentiate it from the special state we refer to as 'in love')

It is apparently simplistic to think of everyone in the world living their lives based either on fear or on Love. But it depends on how we look at it. They are mutually exclusive, we cannot be in both states at the same time. If we are in Love we cannot be in fear. If we are in fear we cannot be in Love. We can switch from one to the other and I'm proposing that we spend more and more time in Love and less and less in fear.

In "A Course in Miracles" lessons 128-132 define three mind states: a world based on fear, a world based on Love, and Heaven. The fear and Love states we can talk about, but Heaven can only be experienced. Heaven can be hinted at and we can even get instructions on how to achieve it, but, ultimately each of us finds it in our own way.

In the lessons the first two states are described as 'this world' and 'the world beyond'. And to have any chance of gaining the Heaven experience we have to move out of 'this world' and start embracing 'the world beyond'.

Beyond fear, there is Love.
Beyond darkness, there is Light.
Beyond death, there is Life.

Beyond conflict, there is Peace.
Beyond misery, there is Joy.
Beyond illusion, there is Truth.

Beyond control, there is Power.
Beyond weakness, there is Strength.

Beyond danger, we are Safe,
Beyond slavery, we are Free.

Beyond bounds, we are Open.
Beyond evil, we are Holy.

Exercise: World View

What is your view of the world? What do you see happening in the world? What do you think is going on?


1. Media refers to any form of communication other than personal experience, and includes television, newspapers, internet and gossip.
2. This blog could be filled with links to sites that I have found useful. I prefer to let you make your own choices. If you don't understand a word or an idea, enter it in your search engine and then decide which sites you want to look at.

25 April 2011

David Narby - Chapter 7 - History Part 2

I took Ruishk’s advice and as I entered the hospital I started whistling the first song that came into my head. It was the theme music from the film “The Sting” composed by Scott Joplin. As I walked the corridors towards GF I got some strange looks and a few smiles. I said to myself, “What the heck, this is not a mortuary.”

When we had settled down in GF, I told them about my experiences with Ruishk and my climb up the mountains. They were all very interested. Smigs was the first to speak.

He said, “Paps D’Anu, hmmmm, its interesting that the Irish should be using an ancient Sumerian word as a name for mountains. The ‘D’ is short form for ‘De’ and means god. So the mountains are dedicated to the god Anu. He was one of the oldest gods in the Sumerian pantheon, and part of a triad formed with his two sons, Enlil and Enki or Ea. He was regarded as the father and the first king of the gods.”

Clivid interrupted, “I am the Lord, your God, and you shall not place strange gods before me.”

Smigs continued, “Yes, Clivid, that is the Christian teaching. My research into the Bible was triggered by the use of the word ‘Elohim’ for God, whereas in Hebrew the word is a plural form and means gods. Sumer, the first modern civilisation, is referred to in the bible as Shinar (Genesis 10:10), and this prompted me to think that the bible might be historically correct. The history of Earth, as told in Sumerian tablets of clay, predates their civilisation by hundreds of thousands of years.”

Clivid said, “According to the bible the world was created at nine o clock on the morning of the 23 October 4004 BC.”

Smigs said, “That is a calculation made by Bishop Ussher of Ulster and published in 1650 AD. It was added into the margins of many bibles after that date, but actually, in older versions there is no date assigned.”

Darukin said, “Ussher gives a very specific date that may not be very accurate. Modern science estimates the Earth was formed over four and a half billion years ago. May I ask you, Smigs, what convinced you that the bible is history rather than a story recorded as history to get a message across?”

Smigs replied, “There are historically verified dates for some of the later happenings in the Old Testament. In historical research there is always the concern that what is verified by many sources may be just different interpretations or versions of one source. This is true of the earlier books of the Old Testament, those talking about events before the advent of historical records. My research into Sumerian, Egyptian, Akkadian, Hittite, Babylonian and Hebrew histories showed that there was correlation of the biblical story. They were all talking about the same events. What really convinced me, though, is that they were talking about the same events from the different perspectives of opposing sides.”

Clivid said, “(Gen 1:26–28) On the sixth day God created Man in His Image and Likeness and told them to go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth."

Smigs said, “The creation of Man story comes from one source, the Sumerian. Even in Genesis there are two versions of it. The Sumerian records are far more detailed and describe what we would call, in modern scientific jargon, a feat of genetic engineering. Without going into all the detail, around two hundred thousand BC, the Annunaki scientists from the planet Nibiru took the DNA of the then existing Homo Erectus and merged it with their own to form a new species that we refer to as Homo Sapiens.”

Darukin said, “Maybe both versions of the Creation story are valid. The first one is telling how God created Homo Erectus and the second one is telling how the Annunaki genetically engineered Homo Sapiens.”

Hix vehemently interjected, “Genesis! Annunaki! Nibiru! Homo Erectus! Why do I have to sit here and listen to this rubbish? What has all this got to do with our reality.”

Will said, “Hix, you don’t have to sit here, this is elective, you can leave if you wish. To
get a better grasp of what you call reality we need to understand how we got into it. Looking at the history of man on this planet can help us do that.”

Hix said, “I accept that, but David’s trip to the Paps D’Anu was only a side-bar to his experience of fear when he tried to open the door to Truth. Why can’t we talk about that rather than this boring historical garbage?”

Smigs answered, “Maybe the creation story is not so relevant to your experience here, Hix, but what came after is. The Annunaki had a history of millions of years on their own planet and had a highly developed and sophisticated social system that depended on kingship and hierarchy for its continuation. This they transferred to Earth, and is now the basis of all family, social, religious and political structures as well as all the organisations in the world.”

Hix said, “We live in a democratic society, we have free elections. There has not been a king or queen in Ireland for hundreds of years.”

Smigs said, “The title is not used, but the effect is the same. Whether the figure head is called Taoiseach, Prime Minister, President, Chairman or Pope they all believe that they get their authority from God. The granting of this authority is shown in many ancient civilisations as the sun or a winged disc shining above the head of the receiver. The winged disc is the symbol for Nibiru.”

Darukin said, “Ancient civilisations are commonly portrayed as sun worshippers. They were much more than that, they were sun watchers, believing that the state of the sun determined everything that happens on Earth. And they were right. Modern scientific studies have shown that there are important links between solar and geomagnetic rhythms and a wide range of human and animal health and wellness indicators. Even historical events like war, social unrest, military events and acts of terrorism can be correlated with the solar cycles.”

Hix said, “Again I ask, what has this got to do with me?”

Hix had been glaring at both Darukin and Smigs while they were talking. Will was scratching his head and I could see that he was getting a bit agitated. I was enjoying Smigs’ account of creation and ancient history and was thankful that he had picked up on my trip to the mountain rather than them talking about my fear at the doorway. I was to be disappointed as Will said,

“Hix, Smigs is giving us a background to the situation that we all find ourselves in now. We can look at history in many ways, whether it is true or false, relevant or irrelevant, but we need to remember that it is always written to suit someone's agenda.”

I said, “That’s true, they always put a spin on their stories. They use information, misinformation or disinformation depending on what emotion they want to create in their readers.”

Will continued “Whatever version of history is correct, it is obvious that the underlying emotion to it was fear. And it is still fear that we all have to learn to deal with.”

Charlie said, “Yes indeed, whether the source of the fear is known, unknown, or unknowable. Taking David’s experience in the warehouse, the objects that he saw are known, what was in the closed boxes are unknown, but what was behind the door is unknowable.”

I was beginning to get defensive. I had crossed my legs, and pulled my arms around my chest. I felt my whole body tightening up. I looked around at the others and I could see similar reactions. Hix was trembling and was totally wrapped up in herself. Will asked,

“Hix, are you all right?”

Hix replied in a very weak and shaky voice, “Yea, I’m just fine.”

Looking at her I thought she was going to get sick, but then something seemed to snap in her and she said,

“When David described his experience of fear at the doorway, an image of my parents bedroom door filled my mind. I was standing outside the door with a premonition that something terrible had happened. For ever so long I just stood there and could not move a muscle.”

Will asked, “Can you open the door now?”

Hix replied, “No, when we were growing up there was a rule that we could not go into their room if the door was closed. We always assumed that they might be up to something.”

As she said this she gave a small shrug and smiled as if she were a little embarrassed about what might be going on behind closed doors.

Will asked, “What do you think caused your premonition and sense of terror outside their room?”

Hix said, “I don’t know.” And recovering her usual poise, she smiled, “Maybe, just like David I’ve got a very dark secret buried in a box in my mind. Now, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Everyone went quiet for a while. I had been watching Annorr, She had sat in a very relaxed upright posture and looked very serene. Clivid began to chant the words ‘original sin’ over and over. Rather than getting annoyed with him I asked,

“Clivid, what is original sin?”

Clivid replied, “Sin is any thought, word, deed or omission that is grievously wrong and is committed with clear knowledge, full consent and contrary to the Will of God. Original sin is the sin that Adam and Eve committed in the Garden of Eden when they ate the fruit of the forbidden tree.”

I asked, “And what happens if you commit a sin?”

Clivid replied, “Eternal damnation...”

Will interrupted, “There can be no such thing as sin, because nobody knows the Will of God. Original sin is our belief that we are separated from God and is usually associated with the Fall. No one knows what state we were in when we were born. However, during our first year of life we formed a dual unity with our mothers. Over the following couple of years we separated from this state, and instead of returning to the unknowable state, we became convinced that we are bodies. Calling this act of separation a sin, and making us suffer for it in fear and guilt, has been the tool for the suppression of mankind since time began.”

Annorr said, “Fear makes us blind, what we fear to see we cannot see. Both Hix and David are terrified of looking at something. Hix’s fear is based on an event that happened in her life, whereas David’s is referred to as the ‘fear of God’.”

Hix said, “You know nothing about me.”

Annorr said, “I don’t know your history, but I can tell from watching you that when you think about your doorway, your body reacts like you are remembering something terrible. David, on the other hand, had only a slight bodily reaction, he’s afraid of what might happen whereas you are afraid of what happened.”

I said, “How could I be afraid of something that I believe is Love?”

Annorr said, “Fear of God is the expression used, but it is fear of total annihilation. When you looked at the objects and boxes you were thinking in terms of images that you normally see with your eyes. When they disappeared and your warehouse was filled with stars you were seeing with your mind. You were still happy with this. You could not open the door because you thought that going through the door meant that you were leaving everything you knew behind, that you would be sacrificing yourself, and that you would enter a void, an abyss so deep that you would be lost forever. If everything you knew was in the warehouse what could be through that door but something terrible. And this threatens you.”

I said, “I have been in many life threatening situations, in various parts of the world. I never felt fear like that before.”

Annorr said, “You perceived those threats as outside your self, whereas this one was internal, in your own mind. There is a part of your mind, a personality as Will calls it, that refuses to let go, to set you free. This part will do anything to stop you from realising what you are in reality.”

I asked, “What am I in reality?”

Annorr asked, “What do you think you are?”

I said, “I’m a body, except when I have out-of-body experiences.”

Annorr asked, “And what part of you did all those out-of-body experiences?”

Acting dumb, I said, “I dunno, maybe it was all hallucinations.”

Annorr smiled and said, “They are not hallucinations, they are real, everything else you see is an illusion or maybe even a delusion. Delusions created by your ego-personalities to keep you locked in this prison world of threat and defenses.

In this prison world we think we need defenses to keep us safe from the constant bombardment of ideas of sickness, death and destruction. We always have to have lots of protection against all sorts of attack, whether those attacks come from natural or man-made sources.”

Hix said, “Are you trying to tell us that there is no sickness, no death, and no perils in this world we inhabit? What about epidemics, crashes, floods, earthquakes, wars and terrorist attacks; to name but a few of the many potential hazards we all live with every day.”

Annorr said, “All these things threaten bodies. But we are not bodies.”

Hix said, “When I look around this room, I see bodies sitting in chairs. When I look out the window I can see bodies walking around and you are trying to tell me that they don’t exist. Or maybe they are all figments of my imagination.”

Charlie said, “They are all the result of your identification, of what you think you are.”

Annorr said, “When we think of ourselves as separate we see bodies, we look through the body’s eyes and only see an objective world of matter. When we open our minds, and accept that there might be more to it than this, we can see with our minds and learn to see the world differently.

Earlier Smigs and Darukin talked about God’s creation of man as the creation of bodies out of dust, or as the merging of two species. Clivid quoted that man was created with the same qualities as God. Let’s look at just two of God’s qualities: God is everywhere and God is One. So Oneness is everywhere, and we all share in the universal Oneness of God’s Creation. We are All One Mind.”

Hix said, “It might be true that we are all one mind, but I am sitting here feeling pain and aches in my body and thinking that my brain is going to explode.”

Ruishk had got me to scan through my body to achieve peace of mind. I was reluctant to mention it and felt a bit awkward about trying to be a ‘healer’.

Will said, “When David was telling us about his recent experiences he mentioned that Ruishk had used a technique to get him into body neutral. David, maybe you could lead us all through that process.”

I said, “I don’t know if I can remember what he said and asked me to do.”

Will said, “Don't worry, you don’t have to be absolutely accurate. It’s more than likely, though, that when you start you’ll get it word for word perfect.”

I got them all to scan through their bodies three times. I dropped the bit about remembering what you feel where and about telling me. As I watched them scan, I was amazed how they all changed their body positions. Everyone put their feet flat on the floor, sat upright in their chairs and laid their hands gently in their laps. In particular, I paid close attention to Hix. With each scan the tension in her face eased and by the end of the third scan she looked peaceful. Everyone sat in silence and the room was calm. As I watched Hix I could see the tension returning to her face. She opened her eyes and looked straight at me.

She said, “Thank you David. I felt for a moment that I had made it into peace, and then I started thinking again. The same old thoughts that I always think.”

Will said, “It’s always the same, we get our moments of peace, and then our old thought patterns of attack and defense emerge again.”

Annorr said, “We need to preserve our peace by careful watching. If we think attack thoughts, start judging, or make plans against uncertainties to come, we have again identified with the body and this identification attacks the body. It is the mind that is sick. To use Will’s terminology, we all suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia.”

Will said, “But not everyone is locked up in asylums.”

Darukin said, “Unless we see this world as an asylum ruled by fear and guilt.”

Annorr said, “I didn’t mean the clinical definition. We all believe that our minds are split off and we are all walled off from each other. Ruishk’s technique allows us to become present. When we become present healing flashes across our open minds, and peace and truth take the place of fear and guilt. When we are healed the body does not feel at all, there is no sense of feeling ill or well, and no feeling of pain or pleasure. The mind does not respond at all to what the body does.

This removes the limits we place upon the body by the purposes we give it. The body's health is fully guaranteed, because it is not limited by time, by weather or fatigue, by food and drink, or any laws we made it serve before. We need do nothing now to make it well, for sickness has become impossible.”

Hix said, “At times, Annorr, I think you should be locked up in here. Everything you say totally contradicts what the world believes.”

Annorr said, “Hix, maybe I should be. The world is insane, an insanity fuelled by defenses. Our defenses are an insane device for self-deception. Their purpose is to hide reality and to keep the truth from being whole. We see ourselves as separate humans, yet each of us believe we are whole within ourselves. God created Truth - we are all One and this Oneness is Heaven. Heaven is the decision we must make. It appears to us that we have a million choices, but we really only have one: hell or Heaven, slavery or freedom, scarcity or abundance. So, what do you choose?”

Hix said, “Of course, I choose Heaven. I don’t get it, though. Why, if I choose Heaven, don’t I get it?”

Annorr said, “We believe we must defend ourselves against the truth. Our defenses are intentional and are made with awareness. We erect them so quickly they seem to be unconscious. We see truth as a threat, decide escape is necessary, and set up our defenses accordingly. We then convince ourselves to forget that we have made the decision and so believe it comes from outside ourselves. Continuing this crazy logic, we first make fragments of the whole, then reassemble them without regard to all their true relationships, and are left with illusions of a whole that is not there. And so we all see a world full of images and objects each having its own separate reality where no such consensus reality exists.”

I said, “So, my reaction of fear at the doorway was a decision I made, a defense I set up.”

Annorr said, “Yes, David, you are not ready yet to drop all your defenses. We are inclined to think in terms of separate bodies. We don’t see ourselves as brothers. There is an exercise we can do to help us overcome this. As we look around at each other, we see bodies. Now close your eyes and try to make a connection with everyone.”

I closed my eyes. As I watched I could see some small lights which did not remain visible for very long I got the feeling that other people had joined us in the room and that more and more were coming in. I began to get nervous. The room seemed to be filling up. I was beginning to feel oppressed. I opened my eyes and there was only the seven of us sitting there.

I said, “I thought the room was full of people until I opened my eyes.”

Annorr said, “We were all connecting with each other and that opened our minds to many more.”

Clivid said, “(Matthew 18:20) When two or more are gathered together in my name, there also am I.”

I said, “I began to get afraid.”

Annorr said, “When we begin to open our minds that which has kept them closed does not want it to happen. It senses its end and does everything in its power to hold on. With practice we learn to overcome the fear and realise the Glory that is all around us all the time.”

Will said, “It’s getting late. I think we’ve had enough for one day.”

14 April 2011

David Narby - Chapter 6 - History Part 1

I was having trouble accepting what had happened in GF. Then I remembered what Mi-Li-Sam had said to me back on the bus, during their lecture to me on 'what it was all about'.

“You are now entering the what-why-how period of undoing all that you have learned. This has been referred to as 'a mid-life crisis' and 'the dark night of the soul'. You have woken up to the real purpose of your life. 'Crisis' and 'dark night' imply that we go through these phases quickly, but sorry, the realisation may be quick but the process of undoing is going to take some time, years and decades rather than weeks and months.”

That my reaction had been a ‘crisis’ was for sure, and I had gone through some ‘dark nights’ since then. I was reluctant to go near GF again. I began to ask myself who those characters in GF really were to be able to trigger such emotional reactions in me. I decided to do some research. I checked the local library and found nothing. I went into the city library and found nothing. I even checked the local newspapers’ archives and came up empty handed. I was wondering if these people had any history at all. If I had been back at home I would have been able to use my many ‘sources’ to find out. Then, it occurred to me that maybe Shaymaas Sunshine might know something about them.

When I called to Sunshine’s, Shaymaas was in the middle of a telephone conversation. Even though I tried not to listen, I found his end of the conversation fascinating. He kept scrunching up his nose as if he was smelling something obnoxious and he referred to ‘eyes’ in a strange way. He saw how curious I was and when he finished the conversation he asked,

“Do you smell anything strange or see any spirits?”

I answered, “No, I don’t smell anything and I don’t see spirits or anything unusual.”

Shaymaas said, “When I’m dealing with spirits I get different smells, good spirits smell like flowers and evil spirits smell rotten. Are you sure you don’t smell anything?”

I shook my head ‘no’ as I breathed deeply through my nostrils. I could get the background smell of laundry, but nothing else. Then, he asked,

“Do you see colours or images of animals around people or places?”

Again, I answered no, and he went on to explain,

“When we first start to deal with spirits or the dearly departed our senses get heightened. The most common are seeing, hearing, feeling in that order. Smelling and tasting are not so common. Smelling odours and aromas that no one else smells was my trigger into the world of spirits. Over time my other senses became attuned to the spirit world, but from time to time I still need someone with ‘eyes’ to see.”

I interpreted his body language as a question and answered, “No, I’m completely normal, I don’t see colours or images around people; I don’t hear voices or strange noises; I don’t get strange sensations on my body; my sense of smell is bad at the best of times, and my taste is good enough to let me enjoy my food.”

Shaymaas said, “I don’t think you came here to talk about spirits. My spirits, guides if you prefer, are telling me that you are looking for information on your ‘circle of friends’.”

I replied, “Yes, I’d like to know more about who I’m dealing with in GF, and I thought that you may have some information that you would share with me.”

“OK,” he said, “Let’s start with Mi-Li-Sam. This is a bit tricky, my guides say that they can’t give you any information about them. Hold on, they are saying that they are not allowed because there is an almost total split between them and us. We are structured and hierarchical, they are a bunch of anarchists, if that is at all possible. We believe that the only way to get to Heaven is through Jesus Christ, they believe that God is everywhere and that you don’t need anyone, or anything to get you into Heaven.”

I said, “Thank you, I wasn’t thinking about Mi-Li-Sam, I was thinking about the people in GF.”

“Anyway,” Shaymaas said, “The same applies to Ruishk, which is not surprising, since Mi-Li-Sam appointed him as your guide.”

As he said this I got a buzzing feeling on the left side of my head, just above my ear.

He continued, “Even though none of us believe in coincidence, they find it a bit strange that Will, Darukin, Charlie and Smigs should all be in GF at the same time. It looks like they are there for you convenience. No, not convenience, they’re saying now, more for your re-education. What’s confusing them is that having five of you meet up is not the anarchist’s style, it’s more like our doing. As for Annorr, they are disgusted with her. She was destined for high places in their ‘organisation’ until she deserted. Anyway, as they keep telling me, God moves in mysterious ways.”

God and his ways again. This had always been used when a teacher could not explain a difficult religious concept to us in school. Shaymaas’s insistence in seeing this as an “us and them” conflict was beginning to grate on my nerves a bit. Then I reminded myself that I was here to get information, not to get into an argument with Shaymaas about spiritual hierarchies or the lack of them. So, I asked,

“Can you tell me anything about their personal backgrounds?”

Shaymaas replied, “Will was a highly trained psychoanalyst of the Freudian school. Many years ago he became disillusioned about what was happening and began to develop his own radical views about psychoanalysis. This led him into major conflict with the International Psychoanalytical Association. He was accused of having unwholesome associations with some of his younger female clients. To avoid a major scandal he was offered work in a secluded psychiatric unit. Over the years he has moved from one unit to another in many countries. His spirit was broken and he had no desire to continue playing mind games with the authorities, so he considered Ireland to be the most tolerant country he had worked in and committed himself to GF.”

I said, “That’s why he has such developed theories about the mind.”

Shaymaas nodded yes as he continued, “Smigs, Professor Sigsmig, defected from Russia to America because his views on religion were totally anathema to the ruling Communist Party. The Americans located him in the heart of the Bible Belt where his research into the scientific nature of the bible was seriously frowned upon. They couldn't send him back to Russia, and he wanted to live in a neutral country, so they agreed with the Irish Government to settle him here.”

Again, I got the buzzing sensation on my head.

He continued, “Darukin had a major meltdown during which his character completely changed. He believes that he is a walk-in and that he is being trained by angels and spirit guides to  advance the scientific understanding of psychic phenomena and spiritualism.”

I asked, “What’s a walk-in?”

He replied, “A walk-in is where someone with little or no interest in living on this planet, surrenders his body to an entity, human or otherwise, who takes over completely.

“Charlie worked with shamans, medicine men and witch doctors all over the place. They believe that some of the hallucinogenic drugs he smoked or digested may have cracked his mind.”

He was sniffing the air and judging by the smile on his face it must have been one of his ‘good guys’.

He continued, “And that leaves Annorr, Hix, and Clivid. Hix and Clivid are just ordinary patients, nothing special, just can’t cope with the stress and strains of the “real” world. Just one thing you might be interested in, Clivid has photographic memory and if he has read something, he will be able to quote it to you word for word. He may not understand what he is quoting, but he will be accurate.

And last, but not least, Annorr. She is not a patient in GF. Just like you, she visits there from time to time. She leans more towards the Mi-Li-Sam camp. She started off her career as a nun who had trained as a medical doctor. One of her patients had asked her a simple question - “You’re a catholic, do the two snakes intertwined on the sword not worry you?” The question began to eat away at the back of her mind. It caused her enough doubt to look for an alternative.

She dabbled in a few complementary therapies, not finding anything that suited her until she came across Acupuncture and went to China to study it. The fact that her order had a mission in China helped, and she stayed there quite a few years. She explored Ancient Chinese Philosophy and Spiritualism and discovered that with Acupuncture she could treat mental and emotional traumas as well as physical problems. When she came back to Ireland she left the order, much to their relief, and set up her own private practice. Since then she has studied A Curse in Miracles.”

I interrupted, “Did you say c-u-r-s-e or c-o-u-r-s-e?”

He replied, “Miracles can be a curse, however, it was a course she studied.”

Again I got the buzzing on the side of my head. Shaymaas said,

“For someone who doesn't get spirit induced body sensations, you are doing pretty well today.”

I replied, “This is the first time anything like this has happened. What do you think it means?”

He said, “What do you think it means?”

I said, “I think someone might be waiting for me at the house.”

He said, “Then you better go home.”

I left and went to  Usu Ilimmu. As I got there Ruishk pulled up in his car. As he was getting out of the car he asked, “Where have you been? This is the third time I’ve called to the house in the last couple of hours.”

I was tempted to respond to his question with a sarcastic comment but instead I said, “That’s funny, I had a buzzing sensation on the side of my head three times. That’s some coincidence. To answer your question I was down with Shaymaas Sunshine enquiring about the people in GF.”

As we went into the house, Ruishk asked, “Did you get what you want?”

I replied, “I’m not sure, the information he gave me seemed a bit far-fetched, and was crouched in conspiracy theory terms, us versus them, good and evil spirits. He seemed a bit amazed and perplexed that five people in GF were there for my convenience. I am slightly skeptical about what he told me.”

Ruishk said, “That’s good, be very skeptical about what we all tell you. In GF, the patients have a taboo against friends checking up on their history. Don’t mention anything about the research you were doing on them. The reason for their taboo is that the psychiatrists, during their periodic consultations, constantly refers to files which hold all their ‘history’. If they want to, they will tell you their own story. It usually takes a long time for them to build up enough trust in their ‘friends’ to tell them their intimate details. And, anyway, most of them are trying to drop their history and so are reluctant to talk about it.”

I said, “I see what you are saying, I won’t mention any of this in GF. I’ve studied many types of organisations and they are all based on hierarchies. Power and authority reside at the top and flow down or are stepped down through the ranks. Is Shaymaas’s hierarchy any different?”

Ruishk replied, “No, they all work on the pyramidal model and, for the most part, they all claim to have received their authority from God. Everyone knows their position and the further up the ladder the more power is granted and more access to information and decision making is given. Shaymaas is allowed to know so much, his ‘spirits’ decide what he is entitled to hear or see, and they have strict controls over what he is allowed to pass on to ‘outsiders’.

“They see you as being guilty by association, you know how it goes, ‘the friend of my friend is my friend, the friend of my enemy is my enemy’. You are not entitled to make up your own mind, ‘you are either with us or against us’. They are a little tolerant of you at the moment, because they believe that you haven't committed yourself totally to the other side. They are still hoping that you will drop your runaway madness and return to the fold.”

“Now”, I said, “You are beginning to sound like one of them.” And I realised just how easy it was to get caught up in antagonistic beliefs. We looked at each other and began to laugh. Then we both said together,

“Oh, what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive.”

And we laughed again, the laughter of innocence, of freedom from the chains that bind us, a good hearty laugh.

Ruishk said, “Enough of that, Will proposed a model for our minds. Rather than trying to see it as a multiple personality, let’s look at it as a single room. In this room imagine all your memories as objects.”

I said, “It would have to be a very large room.”

Ruishk said, “Then look at it as an enormous warehouse. Every idea that you have ever had, every memory is stored in it somewhere. You sit in an office overlooking it all. You are able to go anywhere in the warehouse, pick up an object and remember it’s story and what caused you to put it there.”

I said, “Based on my recent experience in GF, some of them must be hidden down there somewhere.”

Ruishk said, “All right, then imagine that certain objects have been placed in boxes. You can see the boxes, but you can’t see what’s in them.”

I said, “The storage space would be a lot smaller if I imagined them as files and folders in a computer. And the retrieval time could be much faster.”

Ruishk said, “That’s true, but we’re not looking for small or fast. I’m trying to get across how vast your mind is and cultivate a slow and steady attitude rather than fast and erratic. Now, close your eyes and imagine yourself cleaning everything out of the warehouse. Don’t take any time to examine the objects or to look in the boxes, just get rid of them.”

As I closed my eyes I said, “This could take a very long time.”

Ruishk said, “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

In my imagination I started dumping stuff, in the beginning it was slow. As I got over my reluctance to dump some of my stuff and my curiosity to look in some of the boxes I got faster and faster at it. Eventually, the warehouse was empty. I said to Ruishk,

“All my treasures, my clutter and my boxes have been removed, my mind is clear.”

He said, “Now take a good look around the empty space. What do you see?”

I looked around and saw almost total darkness. I kept looking and small pinpricks of light began to appear. More and more of them appeared until the whole space was full of stars. I heard Ruishk say,

“Don’t open your eyes. Keep looking straight ahead.”

As I watched I saw a doorway form. The door was closed, with a faint glow around its edges. Ruishk asked me to walk up to the door and to open it. As I got closer to the door, I began to get afraid. I put my hand on the door to push it open. My fear was getting intense. I couldn’t push the door open. I quickly opened my eyes and Ruishk was smiling at me. He said,

“That is the doorway to the Truth, or, Heaven if you prefer. Now close your eyes again.”

I seen that the warehouse was full again. I was not feeling too good. Ruishk asked me to scan through my body with almost ritualistic phrasing,

“Close your eyes, take your awareness and go through your body, remember what you are feeling where, and when you are ready, open your eyes and tell me.”

I scanned through my body from head to toe and toe to head and told him what I felt.

“There’s an intense buzzing in my ears, my lower back feels like someone stuck a knife in it, and there are pins and needles running down my legs.”

He got me to scan through my body twice more. When I was finished I did not feel anything in my body. Ruishk said,

“Congratulations, David, you have just healed your body. You have made it into the state we call “body neutral”. Are you still afraid?”

I said, “I feel a little nervous, but the intense fear has passed. I am getting curious about what happened.”

Ruishk said, “Let’s leave that for your experts in GF. Tell them your experience and let them explain it to you. You could also ask them about spiritual hierarchies...”

I interrupted, “I was planning not to go back near GF again. I found my last visit embarrassing.”

He said, “That’s all part of the undoing process. Your outburst did not really bother The Crazy Cabal too much. They are very tolerant and will never mention it again. In fact, they will all have forgotten it by now. So, the next time you go, put a smile on your face and whistle a happy tune - tra-la-la-la-la-la-lay.”

As he sang this he began to do some sort of crazy leprechaun jig around the room. When he stopped we were both laughing our heads off.

The next day I decided that I needed a good walk. I took out a map of the Cork and Kerry region and noticed that there was a couple of mountains about thirty miles away on the Cork and Kerry border with the strange name of the Paps D’Anu. When I arrived the tops of the mountains were covered in mist. Even though I told myself to take it slowly, within a few minutes I was walking briskly up the mountain. The air was clean and fresh and I was sweating quite a bit. I was really enjoying my walk and felt a lot of clutter lifting off my mind. When I got to the top the mist had cleared and I had great views over Cork and Kerry and could even see Limerick and Clare away in the distance. When I got back to the car, I could see why they were called Paps. The two peaks looked like a woman’s breasts with nipples pointing straight up into the sky.

As I drove home I decided that I would go into GF again. I kept saying to myself, “What have I got to lose?”

02 March 2011

David Narby - Chapter 5 - Personality Conflict

Everyone spoke very loudly at the same time. Some were beginning to shout and thump the table with their fists. There was a lot of anger and frustration on all the faces in the room. The door burst opened and the nurse came into the room, glaring. She didn’t say anything but her evil eye was enough to quieten every one down. Feelings of guilt and shame circled the room. Then she said,

“Mr. Narby, can I talk to you outside.” No ‘hello David’ or any other pleasantries. We went out to the common room, which was empty. If she was angry she was controlling it very well. She said,

“David, you have been using the therapy room for some weeks now, and up until today your ‘meetings’ have been very civil. Some of the doctors and nurses got concerned about what was going on in there today, what with all the shouting and banging.”

I started to explain what had been happening, but she interrupted me.

“We don’t care what you were talking about. Your Thursday visits have so far been very helpful to the patients. This is beginning to sound like a mad house. You need to get it under control.”

As she walked away I wondered if there was an implied threat. I took a few minutes to review what had happened in our session to cause such strong reactions. We had been talking about religion in general and the Catholic Church in particular. Someone had said that there was no scientific evidence for the existence of Jesus Christ. This had got Clivid all worked up and it had snowballed from there.

When I went back into the room everyone was quiet and a few were even sullen. I looked around and nobody was making eye contact. We were like a group of school children who’d been left alone for a few minutes and the teacher had come back and caught us misbehaving. I said,

“Let’s not start pointing fingers or trying to figure out who’s to blame. We need to come up with some system so this does not happen again.”

Will responded, “No, David, I think we better sort this out. That was quite a reaction you had to a simple statement. You are trying to sweep something under the carpet, something that I think you really need to look at. Explain to us what you think just happened.”

I very reluctantly agreed with Will, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to examine what had happened to get us all upset. I began to ask myself what had caused such an outburst. As I thought about it I realised that I could not recollect much of what had happened. I said,

“I remember Clivid staring fixedly into my eyes and I could feel him boring into my brain. He kept repeating ‘Jesus Saves’ over and over and this expression always annoys me because it is not true. And when I asked him to keep quiet he reacted and attacked me.”

Will said, “That’s not the way I seen it. Yes, I could see you were getting annoyed with Clivid, your face was getting redder and redder and your were clenching your fists tighter and tighter. Eventually, you screamed at him ‘Shut up you Irish Catholic bigot’ and that’s the toned down version without all the expletives. I asked you to relax and take it easy. That made you even madder and then you turned on all of us asking ‘who did we think we were,’ implying that you were somehow better than us. You also said that none of us were really in the position to talk as we were inmates here and you were the only one coming in on a voluntary basis.”

I was getting embarrassed and wondered if I had behaved like he said I had. I decided I’d better apologise so I went around the room and said I’m sorry to everyone and shook their hands. Some were a little reluctant to reciprocate but it did ease the tension somewhat.

Will said, “David, you have been going on like a College Professor, a bit condescending and patronising. You’ve set this room up like a classroom with you the teacher. We need to change that. We’ve all had valuable experiences throughout our lives, we need to pool our resources and share. Let’s rearrange the furniture and see how it goes.”

Under Will’s supervision we moved the chairs into a circle. A spherical light sat in the corner, and this we moved to the centre of the circle. The light was soft enough to be able to look at, and bright enough to make it difficult to constantly look at the person opposite. I was a little surprised at the circle layout, since the only time I had ever seen it used was at AA meetings. I asked Will and he replied,

“The circle is the universal symbol for people working together, as in a ‘circle of friends’. In a circle everyone is equal, there is no superior and inferior, and everyone has an equal contribution to make. The person opposite you acts like a mirror, reflecting back to you the things you really don’t want to see about yourself. And with the light in the centre we can all focus on the same thing.”

I said, “You have laid out twelve chairs, but there are only seven of us here, me, you, Clivid, Darukin and the three newcomers.”

Will said, “Well, let me introduce them to you. There’s Helen Hickey who we all call Hix; Smigs here who likes to think of himself as Professor Sigsmig, our expert on all things historical; and Charlie Casey, who believes himself to be the last in the line of Shamans of Ancient Mexico. And that leaves five free for those who are still to come.”

We all sat down, Clivid was sitting directly opposite from me, and if he was glaring at me I could not really see. Darukin said,

“When discs are arranged in a circle, it takes six to completely surround the seventh. When spheres are arranged around each other it takes twelve to completely surround the thirteenth. Take conception as an example. The current view is that all the sperm compete so that one can  fertilise the ovum. This is not true. All the sperm cooperate to get to the egg. When they get there they all dance around it until the twelve that are identical in size to the nucleus of the egg are touching up against its membrane. Then the membrane breaks and the twelve sperm completely and perfectly surround and merge with the nucleus. This is why twelve is regarded as such an important number in all the thought systems of the world, twelve hours of the day, twelve months, twelve star signs, and the twelve gods of ancient Greece and Rome.”

Clivid said, “There is only One God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth.”

Will said, “Hold on Clivid, there are a few things we need to get straight before we get into this discussion. David, do you feel guilty?”

I said, “I’m feeling both guilty and ashamed, as well as very confused. If your version of what happened is true, I have no idea where that outburst came from. It’s like a totally different ‘me’ had taken over, one that I’m not too happy about.”

Will said, “When we look at, or think about, each other we think that we are singularities, one personality per person. However, we all have multiple personalities. Most of the time one holds sway, but occasionally, and usually under stress, another personality comes to the fore. Most people keep within the range of acceptable behaviour no matter what personality is in charge. When we constantly go outside the range and can’t control them we are given the label ‘Multiple Personality Disorder’. Your outburst, David, was the equivalent of a two or three year old’s temper tantrum, but with a lot more power and venom behind it.”

Will then produced a diagram to illustrate what he was talking about. He said,

“We have organised this room with twelve chairs with the light in the centre. This room then becomes a model for our minds. For simplicity’s sake I have shown only twelve personalities, each of us may have hundreds of them in our minds. Each of the coloured segments on the outside represent a personality. The dark region between the outer segments and the inner light represent the veil of darkness our belief in separation puts between our personalities and the all-knowing mind which is the light in the centre.”

Will had gone silent. I could see what he was getting at, even though I could not figure out how we switched from one personality to another, or how I could have gone from my normally controlled self to the raving, ranting tyrant that he claimed I had become for a while.

Clivid said, “John 14.2, My house has many mansions.”

Will said, “My mind has many personalities. Some psychologists believe that they develop very early in childhood. When things happen to us that we cannot understand, our mind splits and we store the experience in the split-off part. If the experience is traumatic enough we store it in a compartment that we lock away from the rest of our mind. In fairy tales, this is the monster that gets locked up in the dungeon.”

Hix interrupted, her voice harsh and beating out each syllable staccato, “This is a load of horse man-ure. I am not a mon-ster. I am not a mul-tip-el per-son-al-it-y.”

Will said, “If we keep using the same emotions to get our way, like Hix is using her anger, then a dominant personality develops. We then think of this dominator as our total and only self. You, David, have developed a ‘reasonable man’ approach while your other personalities have been locked away.”

I said, “So, looking at your diagram, which box is my ‘reasonable man’ personality and is the ‘raving ranting tyrant’ locked up in the black hole dungeon?”

Will replied very quietly, “No, David, the black hole is associated with chronic depression. Sufferers of chronic depression usually see themselves in almost total darkness, cut off from everyone and incapable of making contact with anyone else. As we look at the diagram, your reasonable man would be associated with the golden colour, centre left and the other with the maroon colour, bottom left.

What got Hix going earlier and helped trigger your outburst was your description of your experiences since you made your great escape. I see these as examples of getting into the light, in the centre, where everything becomes possible.”

Hix interrupted again, “You are trying to come up with an explanation for the impossible. No one can fly and nobody can change shape. As I said before, David is hallucinating and trying to convince us that his ‘trips’ were real. He was on magic mushrooms, smoking grass or something stronger.”

I could feel the hackles on the back of my neck beginning to rise. I closed my eyes and watched the screen. I calmed down and decided to ignore Hix, rather than trying to defend myself and my experiences.

Smigs said, “If I may interrupt with a question. What has all this to do with the delightful conversation we were having about the history of the church?”

Darukin replied, “I think I see what Will is doing. We had to come up with some mechanism to overcome our personality conflicts, and before we decide on anything, we need to have an understanding of why and how we get into them.”

Will said, “Looking at the diagram we see that the colours on the left have a darker hue than the ones on the right. The ones on the left have some black in them to represent fear and guilt. The personalities on the left suffer from fear, guilt and remorse, whereas the ones on the right have no such hang-ups. They are righteous, believing themselves to be absolutely right and so have tendencies to be dogmatic and autocratic. The white personality at the top is the opposite of the black. People with this personality have total belief in their thought system and have zero tolerance for any idea or anyone who is not in full agreement with them.

Remember that we all have many of these in our makeup, they are a life long habit we have reinforced over many years. It’s just that we are inclined to use one  when calm and another one when stressed.”

I looked around at the others. Charlie was doodling in his notebook. Darukin had closed his eyes and looked like he had fallen asleep. Smigs was looking out the window. Hix was playing with her hair and Clivid was staring fixedly at Will. I seemed to be the only one paying attention, so I asked, “How do we switch from one personality to another?”

Will replied, “Our split-off personalities formed in the first three years of our life and are tied in with our basic ideas of right and wrong. Not right and wrong in a moralistic sense, but what was regarded as acceptable behaviour during those years. We developed a scale based on what our parents and minders thought of our behaviour. They reinforced this with smiles and hugs on the one hand and frowns and slaps on the other.”

Hix said, “Not everyone uses corporal punishment to control their children.”

Will said, “I know that, but the baby is absorbing everything, and knows nothing of the rights and wrongs of parenting. It learns by absorbing everything going on in it’s home. It has no ability to decide what it should take on board, it takes it all.

“By the time we are three years old we know what behaviours please and those that offend, what will be rewarded and what will be punished. As we develop further and move into the world we learn the socially acceptable behaviours. What we got away with at home, might not be acceptable in other people’s homes or in school. Moralistic values start to get attached as we learn right from wrong and good from evil. Most of this is still being absorbed.

“The crucial point comes when we are asked to review our behaviours and decide which were wrong, own up, and take our punishment, whether this punishment is mental, emotional or physical. We are also encouraged to judge other people’s behaviour, and this is one source of  our switching triggers. But, the major source comes from our belief that we must attack and defend, defend what we believe to be right and attack what we believe to be wrong.”

Clivid said, “Your talking about confession and spiritual works of mercy.”

Will said, “Yes, from a Catholic viewpoint, but it is universal in all religions and in all societies. We all learn to watch ourselves and to watch others. We’ve all accepted the idea of crime and punishment or, as Clivid sees it, sin and damnation. More importantly, we all believe that we have a right to defend ourselves when someone attacks us, or our beliefs. Today, David came under attack, he seen Hix as attacking his ideas and experiences and Clivid as attacking his beliefs about acceptable social interaction. He defended himself by adopting ‘attack as the best means of defence’. He tried his best to keep himself under control, to remain ‘reasonable’. In the end, he lost control and we all know the consequences.”

Clivid and Hix reacted at the same time.

Clivid said, “I behaved the way I always behave. I was not attacking David.”

Hix said, “I was expressing my opinion, and I wasn’t attacking him either.”

Will said, “I said that David seen it as an attack, not that either of you attacked him.”

Hix said, “David, David, David, this is all about David, you’d think there was no one else but David in the room. I’m angry and I know why I’m angry. When my parents died my brother put me in here against my will. There’s nothing wrong with me, other than I’d have got in his way when it came to divvying up our inheritance.”

Will reacted, “I’ve talked to you about your situation, Hix, many times. No matter how often I’ve tried to get you to see that there is more to you being in here than what your brother did to you, you refuse to look at it. When I try to get you to talk about your parents’ death, you go quiet and ignore me. A few times, I’ve pushed you harder, and then you just withdraw completely.”

Hix had gone deadly pale. Her expression was almost catatonic. Will came over to me and whispered that Hix had found both her parents dead in circumstances that indicated a suicide pact. I was shocked. Everyone in the room was looking at Hix. She had gone totally into herself. We all remained silent for quite a while.

Will broke the silence with a nervous cough and said, “Earlier, David gave us a great example of a temper tantrum child acting as an angry parent, using rage to try to control us all. We need to understand this. We are all grown-up here, but we need to learn to look at childhood experiences from the child’s perspective rather than that of the parents’. Let’s look at an example:

“We come across some new wonder as we explore the great outdoors. We rush in the tell Mammy, but she is preoccupied and she does not pay much attention. She is ignoring us, so we go and sulk in the corner. Most times this has worked and she gives us a kiss and a hug, and then we feel great again. This time she totally ignores us. We are left alone in our sulk. We begin to wonder … what have I done, Mammy is different, I must have done something bad. We go over to her and hug her legs. If she relents and pampers us, all is fine. If she brushes us aside, we feel abandoned and go deeper into sulk. Eventually, if our tendency is to be a victim, we roll up in a ball and fall asleep. On the other hand, we decide that the only way to get attention is to throw a temper tantrum. We may not get kisses and hugs but we will get attention of some sort.”

Hix had recovered her normal demeanour and said sarcastically, “Its all Mammy’s fault. That’s right, go ahead and blame the women for everything.”

Will responded, “I’m not blaming anyone, it’s just that years of observation of parents and children by highly trained psychologists, has shown that most of our behaviour patterns are picked up from our mothers. And, our personalities are formed based on these learned behaviours.”

The noise level in the common room was increasing. I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly 3:15, time for the afternoon tea trolley. Everyone left to get tea or coffee and some biscuits. When they cam back they had another woman with them. Will said,

“David let me formally introduce you to this lady. This is Annorr Quist. Annorr, this is David Narby.”

Annorr sat down beside me and was looking at Will’s diagram as she said, “The personality thing again. Will and I have had quite a few conversations about this. Will’s explanation of the state of our minds and our personalities is a good description of where most of us are right now. And I like his explanation of how we switch from one personality to another. He does not go deep enough.”

Will said, “I have included the light in the centre based on your input, Annorr.”

Annorr continued, “Our personalities are based primarily on images and bodily sensation states. These are all illusions, pictures of ourselves that we take to be real, when really they have no foundation in reality at all. We look in the mirror and we believe the image we see is us. We get a pain somewhere and we believe we are suffering. We look at each other’s bodies and believe that is the other person.”

Hix interrupted, “Try explaining that to the victims of a bomb attack.”

Annorr replied, “Hix, you always take things to extremes. Try and keep this personal. Speak from your own experience.”

Hix said, “I don’t want to talk about my personal experiences.”

I asked, “How do we get rid of these personalities?”

Annorr continued, “We think that we have offended many people in our lives, and we are often offended. As Will’s diagram shows there is a light in the centre of our minds. When we focus on the trauma caused by offence, we are stuck in one or other of our personalities. If we focus on the light in our minds we can get peace and happiness. We need to forgive our enemies and our near and dear ones for what we believe they did to us.”

I said, “That’s easier said than done. There are an awful lot of people I’d have to forgive.”

Annorr said, “You don’t have to forgive them all. Pick one enemy and look at the image you have of them. Think about the wrongs they have done to you. Keep looking until you can see some light in them, even if it is only the tiniest spark. Now look at someone you love. Think about the wrongs they have done to you. Keep looking at them until you can see the light in them. Now allow the light that you see in both of them to shine back on you.”

I said, “And that’s all there is to it. I only have to forgive two people by seeing the light in them. I don’t have to go and prostrate myself before them and beg their forgiveness.”

Annorr said, “That’s all, and you don’t have to bow down to anyone. You don’t even have to be physically present with them, look at them in your mind. Really see these two people as radiant beings, and yourself as well, and then you will be able to see the light in everyone. We are dominated by the idea that to get rid of something we have to kill or destroy it completely. Because everything is an idea, nothing can be killed or destroyed. Because our personalities are based on the idea of separation, when we fully realise that all minds are joined by the light, our personalities just disappear. When we switch on the light in a darkened room, the darkness disappears. When we allow the light in our minds to shine brightly, the dark images we have of others disappears and our personalities along with them.”

Clivid said, “John 8:32 The truth shall set you free.”

Annorr said, “That is true, Clivid. We ask ourselves what is the truth. Being in the light is our only reality. Thinking we are personalities leads us into illusion. We are as God created us. We are the Holy Sons of God Himself, the Christ in all of us. All God’s gifts are in our minds, always have been and always will...”

At this Clivid interrupted, “Here she goes again, the blasphemous WITCH, claiming to be a Son of God. God will damn you, woman.”

At that Clivid stomped out of the room. I commented,

“Well, at least he spoke in sentences, rather than in his usual biblical sound-bytes.”

Charlie said, “Everyone is full of their own self-importance today, it must be the full moon. We take ourselves too seriously. We are so important in our own minds that we feel justified at being annoyed with everything. As long as we feel that we are the most important thing in the world we cannot really appreciate the world around us. We are like blinkered horses; all we see is ourselves apart from everything else.

“A light and amenable disposition is needed. We get scared and quit because we feel too damn important. Feeling important makes us heavy, clumsy and vain. We need to be light and fluid. Certain things in our lives matter to us because we think they’re important to us. When we overcome this self-importance not a single thing is important any longer, neither our own acts nor the acts of any of our fellow men.

“We go on living because we have a will. Because we have tempered our will throughout our lives until it is neat and wholesome and now it doesn’t matter to us that nothing matters. Our will controls the folly of our lives. We believe that our acts, as well as the acts of our fellow men in general, appear to be important to us because we have learned to think they are important. We learn to think about everything and then we train our eyes to look as we think about the things we look at. We look at ourselves already thinking that we are important. And, therefore, we’ve got to feel important. But then when a man learns to “see”, he realises that he can no longer think about the things he looks at, and if he cannot think about what he looks at everything becomes unimportant.”

Some of us were scratching our heads trying to figure out what Charlie had just said. I asked,

“If nothing is important, then why do we bother doing anything?”

Charlie said, “We do things because we love to do them, not because we are trying to please anyone. The idea that nothing is important is intended to help us lose our self-importance about what happens to us or about what we do. When we think we are doing something because it's important we may be looking for fame, fortune and VIP status. This then implies that we have to please someone or many someones. The key is that we are not after self-importance or public recognition, we are enjoying our creative expression through being ourselves.

It was getting on in the afternoon and coming up to supper time. Will said,

“I think we better leave it there for this afternoon.”

They all got up, said their goodbyes and left the room. I was sitting on my own. Somewhere in the background I could hear Dire Straits’ Brothers in Arms. I was annoyed with myself, I was feeling frustrated, and I was beginning to get sad. I had been behaving like a WASP, a Wilful Arrogant Selfish Prick, as the lads here interpreted it rather than its usual connotation. This brought a smile to my face that did not last for long. I was getting sadder. Tears began to stream down my face. I felt someone gently lay their hands on my shoulders, and whisper in my ear to close my eyes, and let the tears flow. I could feel waves of pulsating heat coming from his hands, and all the tension in my body was easing. Again, he spoke in my ear,

“I am always with you.”