That evening, all four of them called at my house: Mi-Li-Sam and Ruishk. They didn’t engage in any small talk, no conversations about the weather, or enquiry into how I was; they just got straight to the point.
Ruishk said, “David, you have been in the doubting doldrums. You haven’t written anything in yonks.”
I replied, “That’s right, I’m not sure that I want to write about this stuff anymore. I’m stalled. After my initial burst of strange and exciting experiences, nothing seems to be happening anymore. It seems like they happened years and years ago. When I sit down to write about them, I begin to doubt that they were real. And yes, I know, you all warned me this would happen. And I do remember your warnings, but it’s not the same when I’m actually experiencing this state of ‘ennui’. I’m listless and dissatisfied.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “David, you’re missing the buzz, the excitement you had when your previous occupation took you all over the place. You had well-established routines, your work was provided for you, you were constantly on the go. Now, there is no boss looking over your shoulder, no public waiting for your next story, and you have to motivate yourself.”
I said, “Don’t I know? There are times when I sit here and berate myself for giving up my great career.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “Wow, David, you really are in the depths of doubt. That’s not unusual. We all go through this. Why are you having so much trouble writing about the experiences you had?”
I said, “I’m not really sure. They don’t seem so relevant any more.”
Ruishk said, “But you can still remember them. You still think about them.”
I replied, “Yes, I do. Sometimes I purposely recall them, but most of the time they just pop into my head.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “Because you still have something to learn from them. Pick anyone you like and tell us about it.”
I began to think about which of my experiences I would like to recount. And then, one just popped into my head. I said, “ I’m walking in the desert carrying someone on my back...”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “Whoa, David, sorry to interrupt. Please be specific; you were not just carrying anyone.”
“OK,” I said, “I was carrying the pope. We were crossing a desert. I had the pope across my shoulders. He felt like a dead weight; we never spoke a word to each other. I kept walking and walking. It seemed to go on for days. I didn’t get thirsty or hungry. Even though I felt tired and hot, I kept going and going. As time went by, the pope seemed to get heavier and heavier. I felt that no matter how heavy he got, I’d keep carrying him. After what seemed like forever, I began to see the outlines of mountains away in the distance. Even though I had no idea when or why I set out, I was convinced that the mountains were the Pyrenees and that they were my destination. I had to get the pope to those mountains.
Eventually, I reached the mountains and found a way inside. I went into a room with windows that had wonderful views in all directions. Immediately, I dropped the pope with a big sigh of relief. Other people were in the room, and they all congratulated me on dropping the pope. I thought it was strange that they didn’t congratulate me on the daunting trek I had just endured.”
Ruishk asked, “Why did you think it strange that they didn’t praise you for your trek?”
I replied, “I thought that they would be delighted that I had carried such an important personage all the way across the desert.”
He asked, “And how did that make you feel?”
I said, “I was disappointed; I thought I had done a great job despite the hardship of the journey.”
Mi-Li-Sam asked, “What did you learn from this experience?”
I replied, “Not to expect reward or recognition for my endeavours.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “And that’s all.”
I nodded as I began to wonder what else I might have learned. I had always known that when I get an idea in my head or become committed to a project, I just won’t stop until it is completed.
Mi-Li-Sam continued, “Look at the characters in this experience. First there’s you that is limitless; without food or water, you kept going for days and days in a scorching arid desert. Then there’s the pope, a dead weight you were carrying on your shoulders.”
I interrupted, “I didn’t see the pope as a dead weight, even though that’s what it felt like. I was carrying a very important person to the safety of the mountains.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “That’s how your ego wants you to interpret it, as something very important that you cannot and should never drop. Remember, though, that all the people in the mountain congratulated you for dropping your burden. The way they saw it, you were carrying a load of useless baggage.”
I said, “The pope is not a load of useless baggage.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “To practising Catholics, the pope is neither useless nor baggage. In your experience, however, the pope represents an authority figure that keeps you doing things that don’t necessarily make any sense. You keep doing what it wants you to do, not what you really need to do, nor what is most useful in achieving your goal of peace and happiness.
Then, there’s the desert, a barren wasteland in which apparently nothing lives or thrives. Just like your ego-induced life of toil and servitude. A life that keeps you searching for things that you think will make you happy or get you recognition from other egos.
The mountains represent a higher state, a place where you can get above and beyond the ego’s wasteland. Did you recognise any of the people in the mountain?”
I replied, “No, but then I never do. Names are never used. All the people looked radiantly happy and peaceful. They smiled at me, and I felt right at home. They all seemed to be more advanced than me, and I remember thinking that they might be aliens.”
Mi-Li-Sam laughed as they said, “Egos are the aliens. You and all the other people in your experience are real radiant beings. Egos deal in images which all have names. Beyond ego-land there is no need for names because people “know” each other and realise that they are all one.”
There was silence for a while. I thought this was a much deeper interpretation of my experience than the one I had come up with. They looked at every facet of it and put it into the perspective of my new life and what I was up against in becoming free.
I said, “Thank you very much for that interpretation. As I see it now, the experience was about dropping or undoing my ego. I have faithfully followed my ego all my life, and it really has got me nowhere.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “That’s right. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Ruishk asked, “What happened to the pope when you dropped him?”
I answered, “I don’t know.”
Ruishk said, “We’ll leave now, David. Close your eyes and think about what became of the pope.”
Mi-Li-Sam said, “David, take a break from GF for a while. See some of this beautiful country, travel the Ring of Kerry, explore the Irish coastline, have some fun, and wherever you go, enjoy the view. Bye, David.”
When they had left, I closed my eyes and re-entered my experience. I was standing in the doorway of the room looking around at the people in it. I knew my task was done. Rather than consciously dropping the pope, I could feel him slipping off my back. It felt as if he was melting away. I turned around to look for him. He was gone.
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